


Gamzee Kins You: A Chiller Like No Other

by FizzyCorrupts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gamzee Steals Your Life, My grand return to fics, this is a shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 22:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21234323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCorrupts/pseuds/FizzyCorrupts
Summary: You come home one day, exhausted. There he is, sitting on your bed.





	Gamzee Kins You: A Chiller Like No Other

You emerge from your car into the cold nighttime air. Your legs feel like gelatin and your back is in agony. A hard day’s work never really feels worth it, does it? A sigh escapes your lips as you look at your home. Your loving parents awaits you, as does the tender embrace of your bed. You feel like you could pass out at any moment, so you quickly go inside. Tonight was a late night, so everybody is probably asleep already. 

You make your way to your room. trying to be as quiet as possible. All of the lights are off so you navigate through the darkness as not to wake anyone up. As you think about the wonderful sleep you’re soon to get, you notice light emerging from beneath your bedroom door. You didn’t leave that on before you left, did you? No, you couldn’t have. You decide to investigate, taking hold of the doorknob and slowly pushing the door open. As you emerge into your room, you notice there’s already an occupant.

"HeY, wHaT aRe YoU dOiNg In My MoThErFuCkIn RoOm?" The clown sitting upon your bed utters. He looks to be a juggalo, you think.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my-” You pause. Your eyes drift to the framed print hanging on your wall, then back to the clown. It’s...It’s Gamzee Makara! From Homestuck! You kin him! “Gamzee…?”

"ThE oNe AnD oNlY,” he responds. You’re quiet for a moment, unable to think of a response to him. Why is Gamzee from Homestuck in your room? He’s not real...at least that’s what you thought. You clear your throat and take a deep breath.

“Why are you here?” You ask, trying to be polite. You’d really like to get this sorted out as soon as possible. You’re so fucking tired.

"BeCaUsE tHiS iS mY rOoM." He sounds absolutely sure of himself. This is going to take forever, isn’t it?

“Why do you think this is your room?”

"BeCaUsE i KiN yOu MoThErFuCkEr." 

His words hit you like a train. Your mind starts racing. Kin...kin you? But you kin him. Can somebody...kin you back? You feel completely overwhelmed. Your legs give out and you fall to the floor, everything fading to darkness.

\--

When you come to, you see your parents hovering over you with looks of worry on their faces. You smile. It all must have been a crazy dream. Probably passed out in the hallway or something.

“Are you okay, Reader?” Your father asks, concern in his voice.

“Of course, d-” Suddenly you are cut off by a loud, shrill voice.

"YeAh DaD, i'M jUsT fInE!" Gamzee exclaims. The absolute nerve of this motherfucker. I open my mouth to berate him only to hear my father respond.

“Oh thank goodness. I couldn’t handle anything bad happening to my precious child. Your horns are looking wonderful today, by the way.” What the fuck? Why was your dad talking to Gamzee like that? 

"Aw ShUcKs, ThAnKs DaD,” Gamzee responds. There is joy in his voice. Sadistic joy. What kind of fucking game is this clown playing?

“Who’s this laying on the floor?” Your mother looks to Gamzee, expecting an answer.

"Oh ThEm? ThAt'S mY fRiEnD gAmZeE,” he starts to explain, “tHeY'rE gOnNa Be StAyInG wItH uS fOr A bIt, If ThAt'S oKaY. i GuEsS tHiS bItCh gOt WaStEd BeFoRe ThEy CaMe HeRe, CaUsE tHeY cAmE pReTtY lAtE. tHeY pAsSeD oUt On ThE fLoOr ToO. i'M rEaL fUcKiN wOrRiEd." He laughs softly...mockingly.

“Like hell you are!” You sit up, rubbing the back of your aching head. “Why are you pretending to be me, motherfucker?!” You shout at the top of your lungs.

"CaLm DoWn, GaMzEe. YoU kNoW hOw YoU gEt WhEn YoU'rE fUcKiN pLoWeD. i MaDe Up ThE aIr MaTtReSs FoR yOu So YoU cAn Go To BeD." He raises his arms to calm your family down. You look at them, they’re ready to throw down. You decide, for your own safety, to swallow your pride.

“Y-yes, Reader. You’re right. Just a bit too much to drink is all.” Each word felt like sandpaper scraping against the inside of your throat. You hated having to say each and every one. “I’ll just...go to sleep.”

“Alright, you do that,” your father states. “But if anything happens, I’m going to kick you the hell out.”

“Y-yes sir.” You look to the floor. You can feel your family stare daggers at you as they leave the room. 

"It'S bEd TiMe BiTcH." Gamzee commands, pointing at the air mattress. You listen to him and lay down on it. There’s a loud pop as the air mattress deflates completely. You guess this is your life now. 

…

No! You can’t be defeated this easily. You’ll find a way to take back your identity from Gamzee Makara. Then you’ll kick his little Troll ass. You close your eyes and drift off to sleep.

\--

When you awaken from your slumber, you look at the clock on the cable box sitting beneath your television. It’s five o’clock. The middle of the fucking day? You can’t believe you slept in that long! You’re late for work! Today was your afternoon shift! You’re going to lose your j-

One of your uniforms is gone. You keep your work garb on hangers hanging onto the dusty handlebars of a long unused treadmill. One of those hangers, and therefore the pristine Chili’s uniform on it, is missing. You’re still wearing your uniform from yesterday, but you know you’re not overreacting. You know for sure one was taken, and that you’re not just miscounting. 

If that clown took your motherfucking job, you are going to go feral.

"WhAt'S uP, bItCh?" Gamzee came into the room wearing your Chili’s uniform.

You are going feral.

\--

An hour has passed. You and Gamzee had gotten into the fight of the century. But that’s not important right now. Now...you’re at the dinner table. The damned clown has taken your seat, you’re relegated to one of the folding chairs that’s reserved for guests. You feel the anger building again, but you won’t throw a fit. You’ll play the long game if necessary.

"Yo Ma, ThIs MeAtLoAf Is ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN BiTcHtItS!" Gamzee says to your mother. Your eye twitches.

“Aw, thank you, Reader. It’s been a while since you’ve been this nice about my cooking.” She lets out a soft chuckle, appreciating Gamzee’s compliment(?)

“Why isn’t Gamzee eating? Are they not hungry?” Your father looks at you. You feel dread. This must be a nightmare. This must be a cruel joke. Motherfucking Gamzee from Homestuck has stolen your identity. Your parents don’t recognize you anymore. 

"I lOvE mY fUcKiNg PaReNtS!" The fucking clown shouts, clearly trying to get a rise out of you. Well it worked. You feel pure rage bubbling up inside you. You get ready to scream.

Honk.

What? What the fuck? You try to yell once more.

Honk.

No. This can’t be! What’s happening?!

Honk.

You look down at your hands, they’re gray. You try to shout once more, but only honks come out. Gamzee stares at you, a cruel grin forming on his face.

“EvErYtHiNg WiLl Be OkAy, GaMzEe. I'lL bE mSpArEaDeR nOw. DoN't YoU wOrRy.” He says, laughing.

Honk. Honk. Honk. Motherfucking honk! You try desperately to get your parents’ attention. Your efforts are fruitless, however. He smiles at you.

“WhAt'S wRoNg? HeRe HaVe SoMe PeAs.” He scoops some peas onto your plate.

You hate peas.

*The Goosebumps Theme Blasts, Bass Boosted*  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHG_sVxQPtM


End file.
